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NCAA Fantasy Hockey Week 8: trade summary — player name puns edition

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We’ve got a punnet of puns, and they’re all worse than this one

A large number of trades this week, so what better way to summarize them than with a series of puns?

  • The Snodgrass on the other side is greener: Natalie Snodgrass (UConn, $35, 11 SP, 9 picks) fired for Elizabeth Giguère (Clarkson, $71.7, 21 SP, 15 picks) and Natalie Heising (Penn State, $28.8, 13.2 SP, 5 picks).
    — Analysis: Snodgrass hasn’t scored as many points as we expected at the start of the year. Crazy thing about her, though: her shooting percentage is at 0.045, well below last year’s 0.124. If she’d been shooting at the same rate this year she’d have scored an extra four or even five goals and would be in our top twenty. On the flip side, Giguère is shooting an unworldly, and possibly unsustainable, 0.278 (and her occasional linemate Cianfarano is shooting .350!). Meanwhile, Heising is a smart pickup for this weekend at least, since Penn State have four games before the next trade happens and they’re against the relatively weak RPI and RIT.
    — Pun rating: B+
    — Pun rating rationale: Clarkson wear green.

  • It’s all Vanisova now, baby blue: Tereza Vanisšová (Maine, $31.4, 9 SP, 5 picks) fired for Natalie Heising (Penn State, $28.8, 13.2 SP, 5 picks) and Sarah Fillier (Princeton, $24.6, 5.8 SP, 0 WP, 2 picks)
    — Analysis: I noted Vanisova’s underperformance in the trade tips post in part so I wouldn’t be the only one firing her, and it worked. The other team who fired her was fantasy powerhouse The House of Seven Gabels, which should make everyone who’s still got her question their life choices. (Bonus “powerhouse”/”house” pun in the previous sentence is free). Fillier comes back to Princeton from a strong performance at Four Nations, but Princeton have a couple of tough matches this weekend and it may be another weekend or so before Fillier really starts to shine.
    — Pun rating: A-
    — Pun rating rationale: Maine wear baby blue. This is better than the pun on Clarkson and so gets a higher rating because only one of the Snodgrass trades involved Clarkson.

  • Out of the Black: Melissa Black (Vermont, $13.9, 7.9 SP, 0 WP, 2 picks) fired for Abigail Levy (Minnesota State, $25.4, 14.85 SP, 0 WP, 4 picks).
    — Analysis: Levy has a tough run of games coming up against the WCHA powerhouses, but stood tall against Wisconsin in their last series before Four Nations. Black’s save percentage of .92 is only okay, and she’s playing only two-thirds of Vermont’s minutes: to score with a goalie in this league you really need a true starter
    — Pun rating: A
    — Pun rating rationale: Good, well crafted pun; people who are trading Black away are indeed getting “out of the Black”, so this is true as well as funny.

  • Tylke we meet again: Julia Tylke (St Cloud, $21.1, 12.3 SP, 0 WP, 0 picks) fired for Megan Keller (BC, $46.6, 14.6 SP, 0 WP, 9 picks) and Chloé Aurard (Northeastern, $25.7, 15.3 SP, 0 WP, 5 picks)
    — Analysis: With St. Cloud playing Minnesota this weekend, this is probably a good time to just leave St. Cloud players over here for the time being. Tylke shone in the RIT series, scored two points in the last game against Minnesota, and had a five-game goal streak that just ended last game, but hasn’t been producing quite at the top level. Keller and Aurard are both just about in the top twenty scorers in points per game. Of the two buys, Keller is maybe a little easier to justify since BC have five games in the next two weeks and Northeastern only have three.
    — Pun rating: D
    — Pun rating rationale: Is that really the best you can do?

  • Heisenberg uncertainty principle: Taylor Heise (Minnesota, $23, 5.9 SP, 0 WP, 8 picks) fired for Sara Hjalmarsson (Providence, $20.7, 9.8 SP, 0 WP, 2 picks)
    — Analysis: Heise hasn’t yet started dominating the way she did at high school and on the USA U18 team. Hjalmarsson is having success as a freshman supporting Providence’s star Maureen Murphy; now that last year’s top scorer for Providence, Christina Putigna, is also on that line, there’s a good chance Hjalmarsson’s production will improve further from its current .98 fantasy points per game rate.
    — Pun rating: A
    — Pun rating rationale: Because Heise is causing a lot of uncertainty — she would have been expected to be significantly outscoring her current performance, like other great Gopher freshmen, but for unknown reasons she isn’t. Also because uncertainty is what you feel when you try to spell “Hjalmarsson”.

  • This is no time to be Pettey: Veronika Pettey (Northeastern, $31.2, 13.8 SP, 0 WP, 3 picks) fired for Chloé Aurard (Northeastern, $25.7, 15.3 SP, 0 WP, 5 picks) BUT! Melissa Samoskevich (Quinnipiac, $19.8, 1.6 SP, 0 WP, 2 picks) fired for Veronika Pettey
    — Analysis: Pettey for Aurard is kind of a no-brainer; Aurard is getting stronger and stronger on the line with Alina Mueller, she costs less than Pettey, and obviously swapping one Northeastern kid for another isn’t a risky play. Samoskevich had a great Four Nations but is struggling to score in this season’s Quinnipiac system — 1.6 points all season, really?
    — Pun rating: D
    — Pun rating rationale: Petteyness.

  • Panneksceptional circumstances: Kelly Pannek (Minnesota, $38.6, 7.8 SP, 0 WP, 6 picks) fired for Alina Mueller (Northeastern, $35.7, 18.4 SP, 0 WP, 12 picks)
    — Analysis: Northeastern’s offense is on fire, and Minnesota is getting most of its scoring from players who would have been secondary contributors last year. The only question about this trade is timing: Minnesota have a significantly easier-looking series against St. Cloud this weekend than Northeastern do against Maine. On the other hand, St. Cloud’s goalies seem to be improving and getting closer to their world-class reputation, so this weekend might not be a walkover for Minnesota after all.
    — Pun rating: A
    — Pun rating rationale: Any puns on “Pannek” that are not a pun on the word “panic” get an A.

  • The Picarder they fall: Ève-Audrey Picard (Vermont, $17.6, 4.4 SP, 0 WP, 1 pick) fired for Kristin O’Neill (Cornell, $41.1, 8.6 SP, 0 WP, 2 picks)
    — Analysis: Picard didn’t dress for the last game and is considerably behind her pace from last year. O’Neill is just outside the top 20 in points per game even though that average includes the three games she missed for Four Nations.
    — Pun rating D:
    — Pun rating rationale: Lazy, but avoided a D minus because at least it wasn’t a Star Trek reference.

  • Posting Bailey: Lauren Bailey (Robert Morris, $15.5, 13.55 SP, 0 WP, 0 picks) fired for Maddy McArthur (BC, $31.2, 13.45 SP, 0 WP, 7 picks).
    — Analysis: Bailey has had a solid year, starting 12 out of 14 games for Robert Morris, but her save % is a not wholly satisfactory 0.902. With a .941 save %, McArthur is outscoring Bailey by 0.25 fantasy points per game, and starting every game, even against Holy Cross.
    — Pun rating: C+
    — Pun rating rationale: It’s kind of a double-double meaning, because while the pun is actually on “posting bail”, it’s also the case that trading Bailey away is like putting her in an envelope and posting her to someone else. On the other hand, marks deducted because (a) the original pun on “posting bail” isn’t immediately obvious and (b) only people who grew up in the UK say “posting” in this context, people in North America say “mailing”.

  • Scobee, Don’t: Sydney Scobee (Minnesota, $31.7, 4.8 SP, 0 WP, 2 picks) fired for Maddy McArthur (BC, $31.2, 13.45 SP, 0 WP, 7 picks).
    — Analysis: Scobee has only played 41% of Minnesota’s minutes, which wouldn’t be good enough in this fantasy league no matter what, and her .913 save % is lower than her performance at Vermont last year led many to expect. McArthur plays all the minutes and stops most of the shots, and costs less.
    — Pun rating: A+++
    — Pun rating rationale: Scobee, Don’t.

Send suggestions for improved puns to tigFantasyHockey@gmail.com (no deadline, take your time). Puck drop for the first games of the weekend is at 6pm tonight, Friday. Should be a fun weekend of hockey.